Fantasy to Reality, With Much Ball-Busting Work in Between

Entertaining at home is both fun and a gigantic pain in the ass. For as long as I've been married, I've yearned to entertain a small group at my home in a high-class, pull out all the stops fashion. This mother's day, instead of going out to lunch, we treated my mother-in-law, her mother, and two friends whose mothers live far away to lunch at our house. It was a grand time, but damn, were we exhausted afterward.

Practically all of Saturday was spent giving the downstairs a deep-cleaning. Not just a pass with the broom and a swipe of a dishrag; no, dear reader, for hours yours truly was scrubbing the kitchen floor and scouring countertops like an Irish scullery maid, washing the toilet & vanity, wiping dust off of every surface including the individual glasses on the dry bar with a cloth (the Swiffer had been misplaced, later to be found under a pile of crap in the entry hall), vacuuming the living room rugs, and tossing out superfluous crap that had accumulated on the coffee table such as old magazines and catalogs from winter. The console table by the front door was particularly appalling, covered with the detritus of day-to-day life like old mail and receipts, the space underneath full of dust balls and several pairs of my wife's shoes, many of which hadn't been worn in months and had become encrusted with cobwebs. My wife helped me get the nasty, dark, piss-stained rug out of the living room and into the utility shed out of sight, revealing our gleaming Pergo floor, and then began preparing some of the next day's feast in advance, slicing fruit and marinating steaks. Our plans to go out for a drink Saturday night fell through, so I spent the evening polishing all the silver serving pieces. I was up until 12:30AM setting the dining table. We retired thoroughly drained.

Sunday morning I awoke about 8:00 and could not fall back asleep, my brain instantly buzzing with everything still to be done. I had to sweep the back patio and set up the patio umbrella and chair cushions. We did make it to Sunday service, but had to duck out right after communion and swing by the grocery for another bottle of bubbly and a bag of ice. Then we raced home to put the potatoes in the oven, change clothes, and set up the snacks on the patio.

Oh, how gorgeous the end result was! The dining table was resplendent with fresh roses, gold-leafed china, delicate crystal, sterling flatware, damask tablecloth & napkins, and gleaming, freshly polished candelabra. The dessert cake sat upon a polished silver platter, and next to it a silver water pitcher. Outside, the patio table was covered with a brilliant white cloth (hiding the dingy tiles) and boasted hummus in glass dishes, a cut crystal bowl full of pita chips, our sparkling silver champagne chiller, a pitcher of lemonade with glassware, crystal champagne flutes, and additional hors d'oeuvres such as brie, toast points, roasted peppers, and cucumber dill sandwiches. It was so sumptuous to relax on our redecorated patio, basking in the brilliance of the white fence and pink geraniums, sharing champagne and lively conversation, then to move on to the elegant dining saloon. By the end of the day, my feet were sore and my energy was sapped, but my fantasy of entertaining in high style had been realized.