What's my age again?

Getting old blows. I've watched my older brother wrinkle and sag, largely due to the stress of his ongoing divorce. I've watched my grandparents-in-law gradually deteriorate. The ravages of sun damage are even beginning to take their toll on my wife's beautiful skin. Although we're all programmed to get old, sooner or later, thanks to those god-damned genetic time-bombs known as telomeres, I'm working now on being in the "later" category.

Considering how much I wasted a good deal of what should have been my most vital years (ages 15-25) being a good student, not getting into trouble, and not getting laid, my demented psyche has determined that I can recapture my lost youth by maintaining the appearance of a late-20-something. During some downtime in my cubicle, I did a great deal of research on the inter-webs all about aging: why skin sags, how cells slow down their regeneration, free radical damage, blah-blah-blah. I tried my best to filter out the old wives' tales, pseudoscience, shaky anecdotal evidence, and sales pitches thinly disguised as success stories written by snake-oil hucksters, and base my anti-aging approach on well-researched and time-tested techniques.

My approach begins with nutrition. When researching what keeps skin young and firm, I read all about the makeup and regeneration of collagen and elastin. Since collagen is comprised of proteins synthesized in the body from lysine and proline, using vitamin C as a catalyst, I knew I needed to get enough protein and also plenty of vitamin C, so I've begun eating either protein supplements or lean animal protein such as fish or chicken every day, as well as taking a vitamin C supplement. Vitamin A is also important for regenerating skin tissue, so I take a supplement every other day (care must be taken not to overdose on carotenoids). Coenzyme Q-10 (CoQ10) also promotes collagen and elastin production, so I take a CoQ10 supplement every day. As the body ages, it begins to produce more collagenase than collagen, which breaks the peptide bonds in collagen; certain phytochemicals such as anthocyanins and catechins, found in dark berries and green tea, are known to inhibit collagenase production, so I make sure to consume some form of dark berry fruit every day, as well as a cup of hot green tea. Copper has been linked to wrinkle repair, so I take a daily men's multivitamin containing copper. Part of skin's healthy appearance is owed to an abundance of moisture, so I make an effort to consume generous quantities of water every day (which also gives me plenty of chances to get up from my desk during the work day). I'm not stopping at looking young; I'm also going for a young, energetic, healthy overall feeling. I'm attempting to eat a healthier diet in order to protect my heart and the rest of my body. I abstain from refined sugar, which is just plain toxic, and consume oatmeal nearly every morning for its poop-enducing fiber and artery-unclogging beta-glucans. I try to keep saturated fats to a minimum so I don't pack on unnecessary pounds. As suggested by my shrink, I even started taking fish oil supplements. I've also begun exercising fairly regularly (my wife's recent knee injury has made it more difficult for me to get motivated to work out).

Further preventive measures involve daily skin maintenance. I settled on using a moisturizer containing retinol twice a day, as its usefulness in protecting the skin is well-documented. I also use a mild exfoliating skin cleanser twice a day, to remove some of my dead skin cells and bring new skin to the surface. For good measure, I'll top it off with a smearing of emu oil, a biological moisturizer that seals off the skin.

While I can't reasonably expect all this effort to make me look 25 forever, I think I can at least expect to look 5-10 years younger at any time, and also feel even younger than that on the inside. I have to say, for the past couple of weeks, I really have felt less depressed, more content with my life, and even more energetic and less exhausted in the mornings. My stupid knees still make noise despite my constant intake of glucosamine & chondroitin.

For me, part of feeling young is revisiting the things I enjoyed when I was younger. I recently sort of rediscovered CDs. Remember how douchey vinyl enthusiast geeks proliferated as CDs took over as the primary storage form of music? I find myself becoming a CD enthusiast in the age of touch-screen MP3 players. Now I'm no musical Luddite; I carry my entire music library in my pocket on my iPhone. But lately, I rediscovered the pleasures of the tactile experience of pulling a CD out of its shiny jewel case decorated with album art, sliding it into a CD player, and listening to it hiss as it spun around getting up to the proper speed. Last week, I even paid a visit to a used CD store to pick up a few classic albums from the '90s, to help me get into that youthful spirit. I picked up Blink 182's Enema of the State (containing a popular track which inspired the title of this blog entry), Green Day's Dookie, and Matchbox Twenty's Yourself or Someone Like You. I slide them into the factory CD player on my 2001 Toyota and I'm transported to that glorious time, the turn of the 21st century, and suddenly I'm 20 years old again. Recently, I even tracked down the same model CD player I had installed in my first car. The dream is that one day I'll have a duplicate of my '89 Volvo sedan in which to install it. Play it again, Kenwood.