The inspiration from this post came from the atrocious parking job I witnessed as it occurred in Cameron Village yesterday. I was standing outside enjoying some complimentary frozen custard when a huge black Lexus SUV crept into a parking spot with a blatant disregard for the painted guidelines, leaving its rear passenger side corner hanging about a foot over the line. Now it doesn't bother me when an automobile is a bit crooked, which is only human, but when a portion of a vehicle protrudes beyond the painted boundary into the neighboring space, my blood begins to boil in response to the total lack of spatial ability and complete disregard for other motorists who wish to park or have already parked in adjoining spaces. And as if I weren't irritated enough already by this abomination, I then observed the offender exit the vehicle. It was a classic rich Raleigh mom with her hell-spawn in tow.
I despise these loathsome creatures so very much.
Believe me, I know the species well. This animal attends college with the goal of sinking her claws into a pre-med or pre-law student (after multiple drunken one-night-stands in her sorority house, of course), and as soon as he starts earning a six-digit salary, she quits whatever dead-end retail job she has, brow-beats him into buying a huge house, and then completes her life's ambition by popping out 2 or 3 children who essentially amount to expensive house pets, as they do nothing to contribute to the household (Lupe takes care of cleaning and Manuel does the yard work) while consuming the father's resources.
So on this particular Sunday, after implementing the weekly brainwashing known as "Sunday School," she changed into her atrocious "mom shorts" from Talbot's (the kind that reach her knees and do nothing to flatter what's left of her figure after 3 pregnancies), neatened up her $100 haircut, smeared on some makeup to disguise the premature aging resulting from her disregard for medical experts' cautions against prolonged sun exposure, threw on the jewelry her overworked, undersexed husband gave her in hopes of receiving a blowjob, and paraded her wretched little accessories in public to take up space and finger the merchandise in the shops, her ultimate goal for the afternoon being to broadcast nonverbally to the world that she has a rich husband who pays all her living expenses and bought her a $60,000 car in which she shuttles the snotty little monsters from one pointless activity to another, where they are socialized from birth with other over-privileged children while she makes mindless chatter with the other equally insipid mothers about how damn terrific it is to have a rich husband who foots the bill for their little hobby, all in an effort to keep herself busy enough that she doesn't hit the bottle out of boredom. Interestingly enough, the provider of resources was not in sight. Perhaps she'd mercifully left him alone for an hour to masturbate or just enjoy the peaceful absence of his shrill issue while drifting into a reverie about how his life would have been different if he hadn't called back that sorostitute he nailed after that mixer, who was now out shopping for a $600 stroller at Beanie & Cecil Kids.
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Just come to Plano Texas and you will see a lot of these moms here. They all take up two parking spaces, as well. Sometimes, at my child's dance school, every single mom's SUV has taken up two spaces. Its almost the norm for how they park here! If they drive an expensive car, you aren't "allowed" to question why they do this. Other moms won't talk to you unless they know your net worth first, what kind of car you drive, and how fashionable you dress. Most of these silly bimbos have mommy cliques and are obsessed with the idea that other women are desperate to be their BFF. The narcissism is astounding. These are the kind of women who deserve a good, hard slap in their botoxed faces.
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